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I Prefer The Term "Super Mom"

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This year, Father's Day came and went and I put my best foot forward in an attempt at making the day seemingly commonplace for Aiden. First came breakfast. Then came playing and story time. Typical enough, eh?  

Then came a phone call from his father and me modeling for Aiden how to wish his dad a "Happy Father's Day." I could have done without that call, but I had to wear my put-your-differences-aside-and-show-your-kid-how-to-display-respect-to-his-other-parent badge on.  

I Prefer The Term "Super Mom"For Aiden's sake, I'll deal with it. And I'll wear that badge proudly. 

However, as Aiden and I were heading out of our building shortly thereafter, I could not deal with my doorman leaning over the front desk, looking me in the eye, and saying, "Happy Father's Day, Alicia." 

Me. Me?!  Uh, come again? 

He quickly caught on to my puzzled look and responded to my silence but 1000 words of perplexity by saying, "Well, you do such a good job at taking care of Aiden by yourself. You play the role of mom and dad. So you deserve a 'Happy Father's Day.'" 

Smiling and nodding and as politely as I could muster up, I replied, "But I'm not Aiden's father. I'm his mother. He already has a father." 

I wasn't trying to be rude. Really, I wasn't. And I haven't been able to write about this incident until now because I've been searching inside myself trying to gauge my feelings regarding the entire situation. 

Maybe I'm too young to appreciate it. Maybe I'm too naïve. But there's just something about people wishing me a "Happy Father's Day" that rubs me the wrong way. I have been trying to shake it off. Really, I have. But the feeling - the uncomfortable feeling - just wouldn't let up.

I get it. Really, I do. Often times, single mothers have to do twice as much as attached mothers, but with half the resources and/or extra hands. And I believe that single mothers deserve recognition for their efforts. Hence, Mother's Day being such a big deal. 

But, shouldn't Father's Day be a day to recognize dads? And if dad isn't present, shouldn't it be a day to recognize other male role models in the child's life who are positive examples of what a socially competent adult male looks like? 

That's what I use Father's Day for anyway. 

While I appreciate the "Happy Father's Day" comments and the recognition on Father's Day, the thing is, I am not Aiden's father. I will never be. I just don't have the testosterone level.  

I can be one heck of a Super Mom - mom! - but I cannot be a dad. Not ever. I can never have those "guy talks" with Aiden the way that a man would have those talks with him. I can never treat Aiden the way that a male would treat him. I could never be fulfilled because Aiden and I sat and watched whatever sports game was on in dead silence. Those are total guy things. Well, at least, not "Alicia" things anyway.  

  • I am female. 
  • I am a woman. 
  • I am his mom - his ultra fabulous, incredibly resilient, nurturing and caring mom.  

But his mom nonetheless. Single mom. But I'm okay with that because it's been super.  

Super Mom. 

And I'll wear my Super Mom badge proudly. Every single day.

Alicia Harper

Alicia is a NYC single mother, blogger, and full-time graduate student studying Psychological Counseling at Columbia University. Her life is filled with all things pink, except for the one touch of blue -- her rambunctious 3-year-old son. Together they make a great pair, and Alicia blogs about her trials and triumphs of being a young, single mom at Mommy Delicious, where she is the Founder and Editor. You can join the Mommy Delicious community on Facebook or follow her on Twitter

 

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  • Alicia, what you are saying makes perfect sense. I too think that I would feel the same exact way. I say Father's Day is intended to celebrate all the men who are an important part of your children's life. Plain and simple. I bet the doorman will never make that mistake again~! BTW, you are a SUPERB Mom! :)

  • I loved this! Hmmmm, I don't like him saying "Happy Father's Day" to you either. Something about it does seem weird. You are a stellar mom and you certainly do double the work on a daily basis. But, as you stated, he has a dad, and also other important male figures in his life. I know that guy was trying to be kind and give you a compliment, and I think you handled it very graciously.

  • This is the best summary I've ever heard on a single mom's perspective of Father's Day. I agree that it's a day designed to celebrate the men in our children's life, whether that's tneir father or someone else stepping up to the plate. I can't wait for my other mommy frkrnds to read this!

  • There was a point in my life where I didn't mind being wished a "Happy Father's Day" because I felt as if I was mother <i>and</i> father. I played catch. I ran around with my children in the yard. I watched sports with my son. But one day, I realized that no matter what I do, I could and will never be a father. But I am one, strong individual that two little beings, who I love with all my heart, call <i>Mom</i>. And well, that's good enough for me.

    My son reveres my father. And he is a wonderful man. So, I make sure my son acknowledges that. And not just on Father's Day.. but everyday. :)

    Great post!

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  • I've just used this guy's services and he's a legit black hat hacker, he can handle social network hacks, emails and school grade hacks, he's actually the real deal, I was initially skeptical as I already got scammed before but he did come through, his email is lawsonmichael33@yahoo.com and you can also text him on +1 646-652-6107

  • the greatest gift i ever had is my mom. mom is person who can sacrifice all things even his life for his family if i have to choose between the mom and the all world so i will choose mom beacuse there is nothing in the world without mom.so love your mom.

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