Divorce, Debt, and Finances

Tips, Struggles and Successes navigating Divorce, Debt and Finances

My Son's Father, My Ex... Yes, I Pray For Him

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I still pray for my son's father ever so often. Here's why... 

I've read so many articles and statistics about how parental discord and separation affects a child. To me, the news was not good.  

One article that I read suggested there was strong evidence that divorce and parental conflict can be associated with children's depression, withdrawal, poor social competence, health problems, and poor academic performance, amongst other things.  

I could go on and go, but really, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. 

My son is 3-years-old...

Over a year ago, I made the decision to leave his father. Seven months ago, I had the courage to actually do it. And let's just say that the discord and conflict between his father and I between the time I decided to leave and the time that I actually left was a little more than I'd like to admit.  My Son's Father, My Ex... Yes, I Pray For Him

I was unhappy. His father seemed to be unhappy. And our son certainly was unhappy. It was a stressful time for all of us indeed. 

Because of my decision - and believe me, I know it was a good one - I cannot give my son both parents living under one roof. It's just not gonna happen. But instead, I can try to give him equal access to both of his parents. I feel that he deserves that much.   

But this co-parenting thing?

This thing, is not easy. Not in the least. I am not even close to being the perfect co-parent. It has been an uphill battle, and one that knocks me down quite frequently.  

But I keep striving. And I keep pushing. And when I feel as though I've screwed something up or I'm not cut out to be a co-parent, I try to strive and push even more. Because I feel as though our son deserves that much. 

Our son, Aiden, is now fully potty trained. Let's take a break to do a happy dance, shall we? BREAK!  

But as happy and as celebratory as this milestone was, his father missed it. He did not celebrate with us because he did not contact Aiden the day/week/couple-of-weeks that Aiden hit the milestone. And, to be honest, it kinda sucked. For him. And for Aiden. 

For Aiden's 3rd birthday party and for Aiden's 1st Preschool Program, he was a no-show. And for Thanksgiving... and Christmas... and New Years Day. All important Holidays. All important milestones. Yet, he missed it. 

I try to leave the space open for him in Aiden's life. I try to encourage him to be more involved without sounding like I'm scolding or reprimanding him. I try, I try, I try... But like I said, it's an uphill battle. 

Put our differences aside...

So I pray. I pray that he can put our differences aside and focus solely on the beautiful and brilliant boy who's growing up oh-so-fast. I pray that he will not only want to take part in Aiden's life, but will actually make the steps to take part in Aiden's life. I pray that together, he and Aiden can create happy memories - memories in which Aiden will cherish and hold dear for years to come. I pray that together, he and I can raise a competent, socially-responsible young man.  

Because it sucks for him to not be able to witness Aiden growing up. He's missing out on a beautiful thing. But Aiden is missing out as well. Aiden does not have any pictures or memories of those moments and milestones with his dad. And that saddens me. So I pray. And I'm hopeful. That he will get to know Aiden. All of Aiden. Not just during a brief phone call a few nights of the week. 

But maybe I'm too naïve at this point. Maybe this is all just wishful thinking. Maybe I need to accept the things that I cannot change, and know that all I can do is leave the space open for Aiden's father, and know that it is up to him to want to occupy that space.  

Or maybe... all I can do is be the best single mother that I can be. And keep praying.

Alicia is a NYC single mother, blogger, and full-time graduate student studying Psychological Counseling at Columbia University. Her life is filled with all things pink, except for the one touch of blue -- her rambunctious 3-year-old son. Together they make a great pair, and Alicia blogs about her trials and triumphs of being a young, single mom at Mommy Delicious, where she is the Founder and Editor. You can join the Mommy Delicious community on Facebook or follow her on Twitter

  • Wow, this just about made me cry. I have been with my sons father for a little over two years and it is failing misrabaly. My son will be 13 months old on the 28th of this month. More and more I think about leaving my sons father.  We hardly see each other and he lies alot and today he stole some money from me. I worry about what affect it will have on my son to grow up going to dads house and moms house. I worry that I will never find someone that will be right for me or my son. I worry of future heart ache and that I will find no one to accept my son as there own. It already hurts to see my baby get excitied to see his dad at one in the morning just for his dad to want to sleep and same with the morning but his dad has to leave for work. We hardly have any kind of a relationship but we got into debt together and all of it in my name so I am scared that if I leave him he will leave all the debt up to me to pay. I have no job and I am in school trying to finish my degree. As of right now I pay what bills I can off of my unemployment checks. Does anyone have advice for me or any encouraging words?

  • @ltlgumbee89 I have been there I know...My son was 2 when his dad and I divorced and it was the best thing I could have ever done for us. While my son misses his dad and only sees him occasionally having his mom be in a good place makes up for it. As far as the debt is concerned unfortunately you would be on the hook for it if it is all in your name unless the 2 of you are married. Try to have him help you pay off as much as you can as soon as possible.

    I know its hard but things have a way of working themselves out-keep your head up!

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