MyCareOne

Breaking Up is Hard to Do—Don’t Let Debt Make it Worse

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 02 May 2012 12:11:00 GMT

Marriage is complicated. There are so many things that tie you and your partner together when you are married; assets, insurance, and yes debt. As a married couple your finances in most cases become completely entwined making them difficult to untangle after a divorce.

The assets are typically handled in your divorce settlement, insurance can be taken care of by a qualified agent and then there's debt. Debt can be tricky to navigate as a divorce settlement can "award" the debt to one or both of you, but if the debt was joint the credit card company won't care-they just want their money. Credit card companies aren't bound by divorce settlements, so they can actually go after you for jointly incurred debt if your former spouse doesn't pay. Yikes!

So what can you do to get rid of joint debt and begin your new "debt free" life?

Here are a few tips to follow when divorce is looming or in the process and joint debt is in the mix.

Eliminate Joint Debt

Financial experts recommend that you exit your marriage with NO joint debt. The ultimate goal is to remove each partner's liability for joint debt. There are several ways you can make this happen.

Inventory the debt. The only way to be sure what joint accounts are still "open" is to pull your credit. This is a very important step in ensuring you don't miss anything. Carefully review reports from all three credit bureaus to ensure that each joint account is accounted for.
Pay off joint cards together. Develop a plan to pay off any joint debt prior to the dissolution of your marriage. For example each partner is responsible for a debt payment on each of the joint accounts each month.
Divide the debt. You can take the joint debt and divide it by transferring a part of the remaining balance to a card that is in your name alone. For example, Mr. & Mrs. Have a joint account with $5000. Mr. transfers $2500 to an individual account he has or pays his $2500. Mrs. does the same with her $2500 and the joint debt is paid off. Be sure to close this account to ensure neither of you is tempted to charge it up again.

Once the debt has been accounted for and divided up now its time to develop a plan for your portion of the joint debt.

Develop a plan

You don't want to be left with a pile of debt joint or otherwise and not have a plan in place to pay it off. Here are a few options when it comes to debt repayment.

Use joint savings. If you and your soon to be ex are on good terms you may consider using your joint savings to pay off debts and give each of you a fresh start. If the divorce is a bitter one, or there isn't any savings you will need to find another way to eliminate the joint debt.
Consider credit counseling. Starting your new life in debt will be a challenge. By consulting with a credit counseling service you may be able to join either a debt management or debt settlement plan to pay off the debt more quickly and receive the advice and support you need to make it through these tough times.
Bankruptcy. Often considered a last resort it may be your only option for eliminating the joint debt you can't afford to pay on your single income. If you are still "legally" married, you should file at the same time so that neither of you gets stuck with joint debt. Be sure to consult with a trusted Bankruptcy attorney and exhaust all of your other options first.

However you decide to handle joint debt be sure to see it through. It is important to continue to monitor your credit reports until the debt is paid off completely or is shown to have been moved to your respective individual accounts. There is nothing worse than being hit with collections for unpaid debt years down the road when you are settled into your new budget, life etc.

Check out divorce support blogs for more information on navigating divorce.

Did you take the proper steps to ensure joint debt was paid off during your divorce?

Photo Credit

From Divorce' to Millionaire: Are You on Track?

Healthy & Wealthy After Divorce

Suzanne Cramer

Suzanne is a certified credit counselor and a Social Media Specialist for CareOne Debt Relief Services. Suzanne writes for Divorce, Debt and Finances and A Straight Talk on Debt. Follow Suzanne on Twitter @SuzanneCramer1 and @AskCareOne where she shares her insights on divorce and managing your finances.

A Reorganization of Your Finances

CoachSuzanne — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 13:00:00 GMT

Spring is upon us and I feel the urge to purge, excess clutter that is. The same can be done with your finances. After facing a divorce it can be tough to look at the mountains of paperwork and files that are lying all over your desk, but it is definitely a necessary task.

So with some "spring" in your step take advantage of your good mood and tackle organizing your finances.

Start with the Paperwork

Chances are you still have some of your ex's old pay stubs and utility bills from your marital home mingling with the current bills and other important stuff. Here are some tips on what you need to keep and for how long. Just remember to run the trash through the shredder.

What to Keep Forever

Passports
Social Security Cards
Birth and death certificates
Citizenship paperwork
Military records
Marriage and divorce decrees and certificates
Wills, living trusts, and powers of attorney

The 7 Year Itch

Keep these documents for 7 years, in case of an audit.

Information on home purchases and sales, titles, etc.
Old tax returns, W-2s, and any 1099s
Information about rental property
Receipts for improvements you have made to homes
Year end brokerage statements

Say Goodbye

Paycheck stubs (wait for your year end W-2, then pitch)
Bank statements (Upon receipt of your year end statement-toss them)
Insurance policies (upon receiving your renewal statement)
Receipts for purchases (After they have been reconciled or for warranty purposes)

Develop a System

Be sure to find a safe place for the "keep forever" documents such as a safety deposit box or safe kept in your home. After purging the excess papers decide how you will organize what remains. Here are a few of my favorite ideas:

Binders. Create a binder for each of these categories: utilities, financial statements, credit cards, and miscellaneous. Include six months of what you have on hand and place each month’s bill or statement in the appropriate binder. The beauty of the binder system is ease of use and a clutter free desk!
Filing cabinet. Using the same principle as the binders, create a file for each of the categories and be sure each statement or bill finds its home.
Electronic filing. While there are certainly a few more steps involved you can keep all of your files electronically without having papers lying around. All you need to do is create folders on your computer and scan or copy them to their designated folder.

Spring is the perfect time to embrace the "out with the old, in with the new philosophy". Say goodbye to accumulated financial clutter from when you were married and hello to the new, organized, single you.

Check out

divorce support blogs for more information on navigating divorce.

7 Things Divorce Has Taught me About Money

From Divorce' to Millionaire: Are You on Track?

Healthy & Wealthy After Divorce

Suzanne Cramer

Taxes after Divorce: A New Set of Rules

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 13:54:00 GMT

Let's face it when you are going through a divorce you are not thinking about Uncle Sam, he isn't even on the radar. However, when things settle down it's important for you to take some time to understand your new tax situation particularly if you have kids.

I have been filing my taxes for years, with the help of TurboTax. Of course I am not an accountant by any stretch of the imagination, but I have been flying solo for the past seven years or so and am happy to say I have not been audited (knock on wood).

When I started preparing my taxes it was for both my husband and I, but as the story goes we got divorced and tax filing that first year was pretty complicated. I had new tax situations to learn about and some decisions to make.

What was my filing status going to be?
Who would claim our son as a dependent?
Who would get the tax credit?
Would I have to pay taxes on the recent sale of our home?

Overwhelmed by questions I couldn't answer I tasked myself with finding the answers. To make sure you are answering these questions correctly you will need to have your divorce settlement and custody agreements on hand.

Joint, Married filing separately, Head of household, Single?

Your tax filing status is determined by the status of your marriage on the last day of the year. If your divorce is final anytime before December 31, you can file as single, or head of household.

If your divorce proceedings and paperwork aren't complete by December 31, then as far as the IRS is concerned you're still married and you have to file either a joint return or married filing separately.

What status scores you the best outcome? Typically head of household, In order to file as head of household you must meet several conditions in addition to having your divorce finalized prior to December 31.

You must file a separate return from your ex.
You must have paid more than half of the cost of maintaining your home for the year. (For example: In my case we separated in May and I bought my own place, so I qualified as I maintained the home my son and I lived in for the majority of the year.)
Your ex must not have lived in the home at all for at least the last six months of the year.
You can claim a dependent that lived with you for the majority of the year. (For example: I was awarded full custody of our son with my ex receiving visitation, therefore I qualified).

Claiming a Dependent

This is often a tricky topic for many recently divorced couples. Who gets to claim the kids as dependents to score the additional deduction?

In my case I was considered the custodial parent as our son lived with me 99% of the time and "visited" his dad. I qualified to claim the dependent deduction because our son lived with me for a longer period of time than he did with his dad.

In order for my ex to claim our son as a dependent I would have to sign a waiver saying that I won't claim our son. (This will not happen.)

Getting the Credits

If you're the parent who claims the dependent exemption, you're also the one who gets to claim some other credits that may help to improve your bottom line.

Child credit. The Child Tax Credit is an important tax credit that may be worth as much as $1,000 per qualifying child depending upon your income.
American Opportunity higher education credit. The American Opportunity Tax Credit modifies the existing Hope Credit for tax years 2009 and 2010　under ARRA. The credit　was extended to apply for tax years 2011 and 2012 by the Tax Relief and Job Creation Act of 2010. (My son is still young so I only receive the child credit right now. I will look forward to the credit for higher education credits when he gets older.
Child care credit. You may be able to claim the credit if you pay someone to care for your dependent who is under age 13 who is not able to care for himself or herself. The credit can be up to 35% of your expenses. To qualify, you must pay these expenses so you can work or look for work.

So if you are the custodial parent you can claim these credits as well.

Sold your Marital Home

Capital-gains, the giant elephant in the room for anyone selling their home. If you and your ex sold the marital home the law allows you to avoid capital gains tax on the first $250,000 of gain on the sale of your primary home if you have owned the home and lived there at least two years out of the last five. Luckily my ex and I had owned the home for five years and well were not forced to pay the capital gains tax.

Here are a few other scenarios:

If you are still married as of December 31 and choose to file jointly you can exclude up to $500,000 as long as either one of you has owned the residence, and both used it as a primary home for at least two out of the last five years.

If you are considered divorced after December 31 and chose to file individually you and your ex can each exclude up to $250,000 of gain on your individual returns.

Filing your taxes after divorce can be tricky so be sure to understand your situation and your divorce settlement agreement. If you are not sure if you qualify for a deduction or credit be sure to contact a divorce support blog, tax professional or your attorney. Uncle Sam is not very forgiving of mistakes when it comes to his take.

How did you fare the first time you filed your taxes after your divorce?

Photo Credit

From Divorce' to Millionaire: Are You on Track?

Healthy & Wealthy After Divorce

Suzanne Cramer

Financial Discipline for You & Your Kids

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:00:00 GMT

As a divorced, single mom discipline for my son falls on me 99% of the time. Sometimes that means punishment; taking away TV and video games, or having him complete tasks he does not enjoy, such as writing sentences. Discipline by definition is:

The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.

So I am teaching him to follow the rules by using punishment as a consequence for not following the rules. Teaching your children right from wrong is tough; and usually involves a fair amount of tears, door slamming, and "I hate you mom!" However discipline is a necessary part of parenting, training your children that rules exist to keep them safe.

So what does discipline have to do with finances? Being financially responsible is a skill all children need as they make their journey to adulthood. Unfortunately, many parents struggle themselves when it comes to applying discipline to their finances.

Back to basics

In raising our children to become responsible adults, part of the process is teaching them to be financially responsible and much of that is learned by example. Kids today are modeling the behavior they see their parents exhibiting and unfortunately those behaviors include poor work ethic, lack of savings, and masses of debt. They have learned from us that it's "ok" to spend money you don't have, because you can just charge it.

Hard work = rewards. Give your child a few daily tasks and chores that are to be performed without being asked. In return they receive a paycheck in the form of an allowance.
Financial independence. Give your child the freedom to choose how to use their "paycheck"; by allowing them to make the decision to spend or save they gain insight into the value of money. Think of all the valuable lessons you have learned when you've lost money, blew money on something frivolous, or saved up for something you really wanted.
Saving for a rainy day. Have your child open a savings account. Many adults live for the moment and neglect to put aside money for emergencies, goals, and retirement. Change your child's I want it and I want it now mentality by practicing what you preach and regularly contributing to savings and encourage them to do so as well.
Budgeting works. One of the most important things to teach a child is budgeting skills. Teaching the value of budgeting includes emphasizing spending less than you earn. For a young child who receives a $5 "paycheck" have them place funds into 3 different piggy banks: spend, save, and goal. Responsible spending is an important life lesson. Don't give in to requests for an "advance" that's just like using a credit card to purchase things you don't have the money for.

Stop the Cycle

There are a number of obstacles that stand in our way when it comes to financial discipline. For starters, many of us didn't get much of an education on personal finance while in school or from our parents. Over time we haven't practiced the basics and unfortunately that has led to millions of Americans being in debt, unprepared for retirement, with little to no emergency fund.

Many of us aren't even aware of what our debt really costs us. We look at the balances on our credit card statements and figure out how much we owe. But we don't take the interest or number of payments it will take to pay off the credit card into account. So we don't really know what our debt looks like, or think about how it affects our future.

Another obstacle that stands in our way is not looking at our debt as part of our retirement plan. What I mean by that is the money that you spend on debt, the interest and fees that you pay on it, are taking away from the money that you could be putting away for retirement. So doesn't it make sense to spend more money on your future than on your credit card bills? Sure it does, but most of us don't have a picture of where we are with our debt, or how to fix the problem.

If you are struggling with debt it's time to develop a plan to get out. Start with getting back to the basics of personal finance. Yes the same ones you should be teaching your children. Discipline yourself to pay down your debt, create an emergency fund and start saving for retirement. If you take action your kids will take notice-they model your behavior, so make good choices!

What financial discipline do you follow religiously and teach your kids?

Photo Credit

Suzanne Cramer

7 Things Divorce Has Taught me About Money

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 13:48:00 GMT

Going through a divorce teaches you many life lessons. Following a divorce support blog helps. For instance I learned that, I am okay on my own, being me is more important then being something I am not, I don't need anyone to take care of me.

Aside from the life lessons I've also learned some important money lessons that have shaped and will continue to affect my financial life.

Here are my seven money lessons learned

Money earned on my own is worth more than money earned by someone else. I have worked since I was sixteen years old and there is something about earning money that gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment. After my son was born my ex begged me to stay home full-time; I was miserable and we ended up compromising and I went back part-time. I loved my son and spending time with him but I needed to feel I was accomplishing tasks outside of feeding him and changing diapers, it was part of my self fulfillment. I have many stay at home mom friends and I think many would agree earning money on your own instead of receiving an allowance from your spouse makes a big difference.
Having debt stinks. In my married life we lived pretty carefree, we had a car payment and a mortgage not unlike many couples today, but no credit card debt. After my divorce I found it tough the first few years to survive on my income alone and fell into the trap of using credit cards to cover bills. It was a vicious cycle but with hard work and patience I paid them off and vowed never to use them that way again.
Having a "financial plan" is essential. Without having a plan you are planning to fail. The first step is setting up a budget, and sticking to it. Then work on your long and short term goals. Don't forget about insurance and will planning especially if you have kids.
Money does not equal happiness. True happiness does not come from having things, or money. When I was married we had a lot of "things" 2 nice cars, a beautiful home, a boat, a motorcycle and a hot tub. On the outside it looked as if we were living an idyllic life but behind closed doors I was miserable.
Lending money to friends and family is almost always a mistake. One thing I've come to realize is that lending money to family or friends is almost never turns out well. If you're going to give money to family, give it and don't lend it. By the same token, don't co-sign. There is usually a reason why someone needs a co-signer. You can check out my story here, Fool Me Once Shame on You, Fool Me Twice Shame on Me.
Start saving as early as you can. The earlier you start saving for your future, the better off you'll be. Interest that you earn on your money compounds at an amazing rate if you start saving early. The wonders of compounding interest! It's never too late to start!
Check you credit annually. This is especially important after divorce as things you thought were taken care of during your divorce end up coming back to haunt you. To check your credit report for free once a year go to www.annualcreditreport.com

I truly believe going through a divorce builds character and can change your entire view on life and your finances.

What money lessons have you learned from your divorce?

More From Divorce, Debt and Finances:

Healthy & Wealthy After Divorce

The “Sticking” Budget

From Divorce' to Millionaire: Are You on Track?

Suzanne Cramer

Suzanne is a certified credit counselor and a Social Media Specialist for CareOne Debt Relief Services. Suzanne writes for Divorce, Debt and Finances and A Straight Talk on Debt. Follow Suzanne on Twitter @ADivorcedMom and @AskCareOne where she shares her insights on divorce and managing your finances.

Look at the Big Picture and be Thankful

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:23:00 GMT

It can be difficult to be thankful when your world is turned upside down. For many of us this year has been a difficult one, myself included. I'm not looking for pity, but over the course of a year I have been through a divorce and the diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes for my son; and well the financial strife that goes along with these two major life changing events.

I have learned a lot about myself over the past year and as we approach the holidays I am fully prepared to be thankful for all that I have and all that is to come.

Giving Thanks in All Situations

There are many things I am thankful for despite life's unexpected curveballs I've been through this year...

My son. Out of all of my accomplishments thus far in life this is the one I am most proud of. Despite all that my son has been through; a divorce, having to move and change schools, and his diagnosis he remains positive, inquisitive, and always has a smile. His strength and positive attitude have led him to be a stellar student, a force to be reckoned with on the wrestling mat and on the lacrosse field, and an inspiration to all of his friends. While I can't take full credit for all of his intellectual and personality traits I can take credit for raising him on my own for the past six years; and while challenging it has been the most amazing experience and has brought me joy every day.
My career. There is truly something to be said about waking up every morning and honestly being able to say, "I love what I do." Not everyone can say this and I can, for this I am truly grateful. My position enables me to combine all of the things I love to do and gives me the opportunity to learn something new each day. I have the ability to help people, be creative, share my knowledge, meet someone new each day (even if it is only online) and work with an amazing talented group of people.
My health. When I was younger I didn't realize the importance of good health. Today with rising health insurance costs and the hidden risks associated with poor health I know that I am lucky. A few years back I had to have two major surgeries over a two year time frame it was then that I realized just how thankful I am for good health.

Things Could Be Worse

My life is not easy and I am quite certain there are many of you that feel the same way. It's difficult to be thankful when you are struggling with things like unemployment, divorce, medical issues, and debt, but I am quite sure you are not alone. Members of our CareOne Community share their stories everyday and as they do I take a look at my life and realize just how thankful I am for the things I have been blessed with.

If you are struggling with debt, going through a divorce, have been diagnosed with a serious medical issue, or any of life's other twists it may seem like there is no end in sight and that things are hopeless, but guess what they're not!

You can do this, you can get out of debt, you can get on with your love life, you can handle medical issues; you just need a bended ear, a plan, and the courage to ask for help.

The holidays are just one of the times to reflect on what you are thankful for. I encourage you to take time out each day to be thankful for something. Maybe it's your morning cup of coffee, your co-worker that made you laugh, hearing your child's sweet little voice on the phone, whatever makes you stop a second and smile. I promise that you will instantly feel better despite what life throws your way.

So what are you thankful for?

More From Divorce, Debt and Finances:

Healthy & Wealthy After Divorce

The "Sticking" Budget

From Divorce' to Millionaire: Are You on Track?

Suzanne Cramer

Suzanne is a certified credit counselor and a Social Media Specialist for CareOne Debt Relief Services. Suzanne writes for Divorce, Debt and Finances and A Straight Talk on Debt. Follow Suzanne on Twitter @ADivorcedMom and @AskCareOne where she shares her insights on divorce and managing your finances.

From Divorce' to Millionaire: Are You on Track?

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 13:05:00 GMT

Divorce takes its toll in many ways; financially speaking a divorce can be devastating and it's important to make your financial health a priority. Many things will be changing with your finances as you go through your divorce and for years to come.

To better prepare yourself for your future it's important to take steps to save for retirement, emergencies, and goals you may have. Saving is an intricate piece of your financial puzzle and needs to be re-evaluated post divorce.

As a couple you and your ex hopefully had a savings plan in place for retirement, emergencies and future goals but with divorce, your needs will most likely change. Let's find out if you are financially on track.

Have you figured out what you need to retire?

Many of us haven't, according to the Retirement Confidence Survey, Only about four out of ten of us have tried to calculate what it would take for a comfortable retirement, and one-third of those who have can't remember what figure they came up with. Without knowing how to get where you need to be how can you develop a plan to get there?

CNN Money offers a simple yet effective retirement calculator to help you determine what you need to save today for your future.

Do you save a portion of your income regularly?

According to MSN Money the current U.S. savings rate is below 1 percent; are you part of that 1%? If so, let me stress to you the importance of saving at least 5% of your income; coupled with investing you can continue to grow your nest egg for a comfortable retirement.

Do you pay off your credit cards every month?

Carrying a balance on your credit cards is a dangerous trap to fall into. That balance may be costing you more than you think each month in interest and fees.

Responsible credit card use involves paying off your balance each month and making timely payments, failure to do so results in higher interest rates and late fees.

If you are currently only paying the minimums or are getting behind on payments now is the time to develop a plan for paying down your debt. If you are not sure how to get started consider reviewing this article on your debt relief options.

Are you protecting what you have?

After divorce it is imperative that you review all of your insurance plans and make any necessary changes.

Health insurance
Life insurance
Auto insurance
Homeowners or rental insurance

Today millions of Americans are without health insurance or adequate coverage; the financial losses suffered by an unexpected medical emergency are enough to frighten anyone.

Are you taking the right steps to achieve your financial goals? Saving is not always easy especially when a divorce changes everything. Making savings a line item in your budget will help you to pay yourself first and help prepare you for the unexpected and your future.

More From Divorce, Debt and Finances:

Healthy & Wealthy After Divorce

The “Sticking” Budget

Are You Still Responsible for Debt After Divorce?

Suzanne Cramer

When One Child Is More Than Enough

AliciaHarper — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 14:37:00 GMT

One day while I was at the beauty salon getting all dolled up, my Hair Dresser inquired about Aiden. She's met him on several different occasions and simply adores his spunky personality. So much so that each time I go in for a hair appointment, she asks about him. It's typically the usual questions ("How is he?"), comments ("He's speaking so clearly"), and exclamations ("I can't believe he's getting so big!").

Then the dreaded question - "So, when are you having another child?"

Hmmm.

My Hair Dresser knows that I am a single Mother so I told her that I have no plans to have another child any time soon. I also informed her that I'd like to continue with my career path (since I recently completed graduated school), meet someone, build a relationship with them, and then maybe try for another child. Maybe.

Her response? "That's so selfish of you! Having a second child is not for you, it's for Aiden! He needs someone to play with."

Hmmm.

Hold up. When did my reproductive decisions become an approved topic for "Beauty Parlor etiquette?" Is my reproductive decision an approved topic for "Beauty Parlor etiquette?"

Didn't think so.

The thing is, as any caring parent does, I want to be able to provide the best things in life for Aiden - a good education, a nice home, meaningful extra-curricular activities, lovely people in his entourage. All those things cost money, save for the lovely people in his entourage (but I'm beginning to think that even that costs money).

As a single Mother, sometimes that presents a challenge in and of itself because of the financial sacrifices that I must make. And, don't get me wrong, I don't mind making those sacrifices. At all.

But financial sacrifices aside, as much as I love being Aiden's Mother (and with all my heart, I do), it's really not enough. For me. I often hear women say that when they are at work, they are simply waiting for the time to pass until they can get home to be with their children. And I can agree with them, but only to a certain extent.

I love my job and when I'm at work, I love being at work. It's part of who I am and I wouldn't trade that. The idea of splitting my time at home between more than one child seems like the equivalent of tying one's shoelace without thumbs.

Not to mention that as a Mother, the worrying never ends. I don't think that I've slept soundly for the entire night since Aiden was... well, born. I wake up in the middle of the night all the time. If it's not to check up on him or to scare monsters away or to take him to the bathroom, it's because my mind won't let me stop thinking about the million and one things that I'll have to complete the next day. And the day after that. And the week after that. And the month after that.

It can be downright exhausting.

But it's not. Most of the time. And I feel that it's because I've learned how to manage my time with just one kid. He's happy, he's healthy, and he's blessed beyond measure. And I'm happy, healthy and blessed beyond measure too.

So... until the Love Gods look down on me in favor and all the stars align for Mr. Right and I to meet, greet, and fall in love, my cute little family of two will remain just that - a family of two.

At this moment in life, that's more than enough for us.

Alicia Harper

Alicia Harper, M.A., Ed.M. is a single mother, blogger, and recent graduate of Columbia University. Her life is filled with all things pink, except for the one bit of blue - her rambunctious 3-year-old son. Together they make a great pair, and Alicia chronicles the trials and triumphs of being a young, single mother living in NYC at Mommy Delicious.

Healthy & Wealthy After Divorce

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 12:07:00 GMT

Breakups are often the catalyst for change; a new you and new goals for your future. Unfortunately, we often use every excuse in the book to keep us from reaching those goals.

Now is the time to take a stand for you and resolve to be healthy, and wealthy. You can do it, here's how!

Budget Time for You

After going through the trials and tribulations of a divorce many of us find ourselves out of shape and out of cash; the first step to a new you involves budgeting time for you. The time could be used for mental, physical or financial health. The point is, it is for you; not your job, not the kids, and not your family.

Mental health

Consider talking to someone. Divorce is one of the leading causes of depression. If you feel you are headed in this direction check your insurance plan and see if mental health assistance is covered. Schedule a visit with a psychologist or behavioral health specialist to just talk it out. Not thrilled with the idea of professional help? Find a trusted friend to confide your feelings and emotions to; just getting it all out there can make a huge difference.
Find your inner peace. I would have never considered taking yoga, but a close friend invited me to join her one Saturday morning and I loved it! It was an hour of breathing, stretching, and contortionist poses, but I left feeling at peace with myself.
Take up a new hobby or pick up an old one again. I used to love to read, but when I was married there seemed to be little time for it. So I fell in love with reading again and often find myself lost in a good book.

Physical health

No gym membership required. You don't need an expensive gym membership to get fit! Take a walk around your neighborhood, jog your local high school track, or consider riding your bike at a nearby state park. Just being outdoors can be a mood booster and soon you will find you look forward to daily exercise.
Just say no to fad diets. You may be feeling overweight and out of shape but this is no reason to jump on the fad diet bandwagon. Instead, learn to eat healthy and make it a habit. Trade in your fast food lunches for healthy ones made at home, shop the perimeter of the grocery store and consider joining a free online diet plan.
Grab a buddy. For some reason we all seem to do better with sticking to our goals when we have a buddy along for the ride. Find a friend, neighbor or relative to help keep you honest with your workouts and your new healthy lifestyle.

Financial Health

Create a Budget. Take the time to track expenses first so you can start off on the right foot. Now that you have a benchmark you can create a budget that works with your fixed and variable expenses that keeps you from being in the red each month.
Pay down debt. Depending on your situation you may be dealing with debt from your divorce. In order to be as financially healthy as possible you will want to develop a plan of attack for your debt. If you are not sure where you stand take a few minutes to pull your credit and determine your debt load. If you find after completing your budget that there is not much room for debt payments consider your debt relief options.
Save, save, save. Easier said than done when your budget is already stretched to the max, but it is important to make saving a line item in your budget; pay yourself first!

I know firsthand what it is like to go through a divorce, I've been there. It seems as if your entire life is spiraling out of control, but the good news is you can make the changes you want to be mentally physically and financially fit. The power is in your hands...

What was your "defining" moment after your divorce; the one that made you look inside yourself and say I NEED to make changes to my life?

More From Divorce, Debt and Finances:

Are You Still Responsible for Debt After Divorce?

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly...Your Credit After Divorce

Kids and Money - What Message Are You Sending?

Suzanne Cramer

The “Sticking” Budget

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 13:30:00 GMT

Every aspect of divorce is difficult no matter how you look at it, especially when it comes to your finances.

Let's face the facts:

You have gone from two incomes to one.
You are no longer "splitting" expenses with someone.
Your rates on insurance are likely to rise.
And you probably got stuck with some debt from the divorce...sigh.

The best way to get yourself on track is to create a budget; that's the easy part.

The hard part is actually "sticking" to it.

Sticking to a budget takes work and sometimes we are to distraught, busy, or simply don't know how to stick to the budget we created.

The problem with most budgets is that they are set up with unrealistic expectations.

We are so focused on paying down debt, building an emergency fund and our retirement goals that we set the bar to high and subsequently fail leaving us discouraged.

So most importantly be sure your budget is realistic in terms of what you make (your income) and how you live day to day (your lifestyle).

5 Tips to help you Stick to Your Budget

Track expenses. Who has time to write down everything they spend? You do! This is a key component of sticking to your budget. By tracking every expense you are more "accountable" and at the end of the month you can see where you went wrong or what you did right. To make things easier try an internet-based free budget planner like budgetpulse.com.
Check yourself. Periodically throughout the month you should "check in" with your budget. Maybe your "overspending" in one category can be made up for in another.
Spend less than you earn. This is the easiest way to stick to your budget. Find little ways or make minor adjustments to keep you out of the red; that way if you go rogue one month and spend over budget you won't have to charge your groceries.
Treat yourself. If you are so vigilant in sticking to your budget that you don't allow yourself a lunch out once a month, eventually you will crumble and possibly binge by ordering take out every night the following month. Just like dieting, budgeting requires you to treat yourself now and then to things you have given up. Believe me the $5 footlong is not going to bust your budget as much as a month's worth of carryout.
Set a goal. It's funny how we can trick ourselves into doing things. We all want something to strive for and that's a good thing! So to reward yourself for a job well done at budgeting consider paying yourself. (See the $5 challenge)

Sticking to a budget doesn't have to be painful. The important thing is to set up a realistic budget that works for you.

Your hard work will provide valuable information that helps you plan your expenses better and keep you from whipping out the plastic!

What tips do you have for sticking to your budget?

More From Divorce, Debt and Finances:

Kids and Money - What Message Are You Sending?

Are You Still Responsible for Debt After Divorce?

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly...Your Credit After Divorce

Suzanne Cramer

Download a Free Budget Planning Template

Kids and Money – What Message Are You Sending?

CoachSuzanne — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 14:16:00 GMT

Over the summer I wrote a guest post for Post Divorce Chronicles entitled, Kids and Money – What Message Are You Sending? Here is a brief excerpt from the post:

"As a single parent who has been through divorce I know first hand the guilt and challenges we face in the aftermath. Depending on your relationship with the “other” parent and your kids you may feel the need to compete for parent of the year. But who is really benefiting from this fight for pole position and are you sending mixed messages to your kids in your battle with your ex?"

Click here to read the post in it's entirety.

If you have been through or are going through a divorce, have you used money as a weapon or pawn to gain your child’s love? Has your ex done this to you?

Photo credit

Suzanne Cramer

Co-Parenting with a Special Needs Child

CoachSuzanne — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 14:01:00 GMT

In my post, "The Day I Became a Divorced, Special Needs Parent" I revealed something about our family that I am still having a hard time coming to grips with, my son is a Type 1 Diabetic.

While diabetes is not a terminal illness, his diagnosis will change our lives forever and make the difficult job of co-parenting, well...even more difficult.

After my ex's lack of commitment from the onset, I knew it was going to be up to me, and me alone to learn everything I could about dealing with diabetes, how to help my son understand, and deal with his tears and frustration of being "different".

While infrequent, my son does visit his father and it is those times that I fear the most. My mind races constantly with, Did he check his sugar? Did he give him the correct amount of insulin? What is he feeding him?

For those of you that are familiar with diabetes it is like one big science project; enough insulin must be given to account for the intake of sugar, and it can all be negated by physical exertion. While we have learned a lot about diabetes management, everyday is still a numbers game and some days it is all very overwhelming.

Overnight visits

In addition to the regular backpack I send with clothes, pjs, and his "essentials"; a Nintendo DS, Pokemon cards, and his lacrosse stick, I must now make sure he has his "diabetes bag". The diabetes bag consists of two separate insulin pens; one containing short-acting insulin to be administered before meals, one containing long-acting insulin to be given at bedtime, his blood sugar meter, needles, and test strips.

Not so bad--it's all in one place, but wait there's more: a glucagon pen for emergencies, candy in case of a low blood sugar, keto sticks to make sure he is not developing ketones, and a notebook where everything is tracked. "Everything" includes his 4 daily blood sugar checks, his insulin doses, and EVERYTHING he eats.

This is a lot for me to remember and I do it everyday, for his dad it is going to take a miracle to remember all that; thank goodness my son has taken his condition seriously and knows for the most part how to take care of himself on his own, but still I worry...

An Expert Weighs In

According to Lisa Helfend Meyer, a writer for Huffington Post Divorce "Raising a special-needs child after divorce requires a high degree of collaboration between the parents. Even without this dynamic, parents will often use a child as a pawn to get back at their ex. A parent may reject a choice of school or camp simply because the other parent supports it. In extreme cases, a parent in denial of the child's needs won't take the child to appointments or administer medication. Putting a special-needs child in the middle of this kind of tug-of-war and manipulation can only have harmful consequences, both to the parent but more importantly to the child."

What you need to know:

The Court will often order a co-parenting counselor for one or both parents. These counselors, who can be psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers or marriage and family counselors, will help parents forge a working relationship that puts their child's interests first.
For parents who find communicating with each other extremely difficult, there are tools available to allow the court and attorneys to monitor emails between the parents on the child's school, tutoring, doctor's appointments, play dates and other activities.
This is how a legal team can help ensure that the parenting plan is being followed and the child is getting the support she or he needs.

I vowed to always protect my child no matter what the cost. Biting my tongue, looking the other way, and engaging in friendly conversations with my ex may not always be easy, but I know it's the right thing to do.

Our Co-Parenting Plan

I say "our" because I always notify my ex of our son's doctor's appointments, lab results, and any complications with his diabetes. This is not to say he always shows up or antes up to pay the bill, but sometimes he does.

Scheduling of appointments, keeping track of results and adjusting meds is all up to me; so is taking off work to attend appointments and care for him when he is sick.

I am certainly not complaining, I love my son more than anything and I will do whatever it takes for his health, safety and well being even if I have to do it all on my own.

If you are co-parenting a special needs child I would love to hear from you! Make sure to look for the next installment in my story...the expense of a special needs child!

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly...Your Credit after Divorce

Suzanne Cramer

Suzanne is a certified credit counselor for CareOne Debt Relief Services and is a Social Media Specialist. Suzanne supports our Ask the Expert forums as a coach and writes for our A Straight Talk on Debt and Divorce, Debt and Finances blogs. You can also follow Suzanne on Twitter where she shares the latest debt industry news, and tips to keep your finances in check with her @AskCareOne and @ADivorcedMom accounts.

To follow CareOne click here!

Are you still responsible? Debt after divorce

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 15:03:00 GMT

You have a divorce agreement, it clearly states you are responsible for three of your joint credit card accounts and your ex is responsible for the other three, case closed, right?

Unfortunately, this is not always the case despite your divorce agreement if the accounts are joint you are still on the hook if your ex doesn't pay. So when your vengeful or irresponsible ex decides to default, you risk a damaged credit rating and the continuous calls from debt collectors.

Protect yourself

Oftentimes we are unaware our ex has failed to pay on joint debt until we get a call from a debt collector or denied for a loan because our accounts are past due. By keeping a careful eye on your credit report you can avoid unpleasant surprises. Ideally your attorney would advise you to do this, but many couples today are splitting up on their own without attorney involvement and are unaware of the ramifications caused by their ex's failure to pay.

Do your due diligence

By closing or freezing joint accounts before more damage is done you can avoid having your ex charge up these accounts further.

Know your debt. Be sure to account for any and all joint or authorized user accounts. Include all personal loans, major credit cards, and the store accounts you may have opened years ago, if still open they could pose a threat to your credit rating through your ex's decision to charge up or not pay on the accounts.
Pull your credit. By pulling your credit from all three credit reporting agencies you can see all of your accounts, opened and closed. Carefully review all of the accounts so you are prepared to make the necessary calls to close, freeze, or remove the authorized user on the accounts.

Contact your creditors

While closing the accounts sounds easy enough you may have trouble doing so on any that still carry a balance.

Freeze or transfer the balance. You may have to settle for freezing them or transferring the balance to a different account in your name alone until the balance is paid off.
Make smart choices. Be careful when closing accounts as a sudden surge in opening or closing accounts may affect your credit rating.
Keep checking your credit. Continue to check your credit report over the next year or so to make sure any accounts you closed show closed at your request, and that no additional charges have been made on the frozen accounts.

Keep paying the bills

Divorce proceedings can sometimes be lengthy. Continue paying on all the accounts your name is attached to.

Minimum payments. Even if you can only pay the minimums make sure to keep them up to date.
Make up for your ex. If your divorce is final and you find your ex isn't' paying you may need to pay at least the minimum payments on the accounts to avoid damaging your credit rating.

The bottom line is that your creditors don't care what your divorce agreement says; if your name is on the account you are financially responsible.

Suzanne Cramer

To follow CareOne click here!

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly...Your Credit after Divorce

CoachSuzanne — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 13:33:00 GMT

As a certified credit counselor I hear from people everyday struggling with post-divorce debt and subsequently tarnished credit.

Most people haven't the slightest idea where to find help or the answers they need regarding credit card debt and how it may affect their credit report following a divorce.

In the overwhelming event of a divorce sometimes we neglect our finances and end up putting ourselves in situations that are not easy to get out of.

One of the biggest challenges you face financially as you weed through your debts during a divorce is who gets what debt in the divorce settlement and how your ex's lack of payment can affect you and your credit.

The FTC has an example of just this type of situation:

"Mary and Bill recently divorced. Their divorce decree stated that Bill would pay the balances on their three joint credit card accounts. Months later, after Bill neglected to pay off these accounts, all three creditors contacted Mary for payment. She referred them to the divorce decree, insisting that she was not responsible for the accounts. The creditors correctly stated that they were not parties to the decree and that Mary was still legally responsible for paying off the couple's joint accounts. Mary later found out that the late payments appeared on her credit report."

Download Your Free Debt Consolidation 101 Guide

As stated in the example even though Bill was given the accounts as part of the divorce decree because they were joint accounts Mary was still responsible for them. Unfortunately, lenders and credit-reporting agencies don't care about what your divorce decree states.

If your name is on a joint account you are responsible for making sure that debt gets paid.

So how can you protect yourself from finding yourself in a situation like this?

The first step is to understand the difference between joint, individual and authorized user accounts.

Joint, individual and authorized user accounts

Individual Account. With individual accounts your income, assets, and credit history alone are considered by a potential creditor. Meaning you alone are responsible for paying off the debt regardless of your marital status. The account will show up on your credit report and if your spouse is an authorized user of the account on their's as well.
Joint Account. With joint accounts yours and your spouse's income, assets, and credit history are taken into consideration. If you are one of the parties on a joint account you are on the hook to see that the debt is paid. Any joint accounts will appear on both you and your spouse's credit report.
Authorized User. When you open a credit account you have the ability to assign authorized users for the account. Because the account is an individual account you are the responsible party for paying the debt not the authorized user. However, the account will be reported on the authorized user's credit report as well.

Handling credit accounts during divorce

While your credit report may seem insignificant as you go through a divorce it is important to keep an eye on it to avoid unfortunate situations that could ultimately inhibit you in the future.

Maintain accounts. Make sure you continue to pay any accounts that are individual or joint even if you haven't been awarded the divorce decree yet. Failure to do so will cause your accounts to become delinquent and begin to tarnish your credit.

Close joint accounts. To avoid further charges to your joint accounts, close them. You will still be responsible for the debt but can avoid having further charges made to the account. Or, if you would prefer to keep the account have the creditor turn the account into an individual one. It is important to note that you can request the account be changed to an individual one but it is at the creditor's discretion. They may require you to re-apply for credit on your own.

Updating your information on your credit report

Most likely your personal information will change following a divorce; new address, and possible last name change. You need to be diligent in making sure this new information is relayed to both your creditors and the credit reporting agencies. Not that they won't take your word for it but, you may be required to supply the below information so be prepared.

Court documents for legal name change
Valid driver's license
Copy of Social Security card reflecting name change

The responsibility is still yours

You are still legally responsible for individual and joint accounts in your name even if your ex agrees to pay the debt in you divorce settlement. As I mentioned earlier your creditors don't care about who took responsibility for what debt or what your divorce decree says.

To protect yourself keep your eye on your accounts and make sure they are being paid regularly; don't let your ex bring you down with them.

Have you been faced with a divorce and joint debt your ex didn't pay, share your story!

Suzanne Cramer

Drowning in Your Marital Home

CoachSuzanne — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 15:20:00 GMT

I recently had lunch with a friend who has filed for divorce and is struggling with what to do with their marital home.

Their situation is like many today who are faced with selling the marital home after a divorce and for various reasons, market conditions, location, and lack of cooperation from their soon to be ex the experience has been exhausting.

Deciding to sell your marital home is a difficult choice for many; you may have built the home, raised your children there, and most importantly created memories that are hard to say good bye too.

Even after making the difficult decision to part with the home in some cases it isn't even possible without facing huge hurdles and financial strain.

In my friend's situation the couple built their home with the intention of staying there "forever". As with their marriage staying in the home is not a "forever" reality for either one of them. The problems began when they listed their home for sale last spring and received not even a nibble on their asking price.

With the advice of their realtor they agreed to drop the price low enough for them to just "breakeven". All of the work, effort and memories resolved to "breaking even". Difficult as it may be, the divorce is in process and both are forced to live in the home with their small child leading separate but together lives.

The situation as they describe it, is awkward at best and difficult to maneuver daily living under one roof with their soon to be ex. So I decided to do some research to see what advice I could offer for this increasingly popular problem in today's economy and tough real estate market.

One of you gets to stay...for a price

When faced with a tough market and slumped economy maybe the answer is for one of you to try to keep the home. There are several factors to be considered with this decision:

Will either of you qualify for a loan on your own based on your individual income and assets.
Can the spouse attempting to keep the home afford to "buy out" the other spouse?
If you decide to stay can you afford the mortgage and upkeep? (think maintenance, lawn care, utilities)

Make it official...

If you plan to stay you want to make it official and have your ex's name removed from the deed and the mortgage. The only way to make that happen is to refinance the home in your name alone, leaving the other spouse free and clear of financial obligation to the home.

Or...

Sell it...if you can

Selling the home may not be your first choice, but in many cases it's just not possible for either of you to keep the home. If you plan to sell keep the following in mind:

Once you come to an agreement to sell the home, get it on the market right away. Time is of the essence.
Continue making monthly mortgage payments to avoid damaging either of your credit ratings. You may need to use your credit following the divorce to purchase a new home, rent an apartment, or buy a car so don't shoot yourself in the foot by damaging your credit.

Consider a short-sale

Consulting your realtor about asking price and market conditions can give you a better idea of where you stand with regards to actually selling your home and not losing your shirt. If you find after a short period of time the likelihood of selling your home is slim you may consider a short sale to avoid possible foreclosure and extensive damage to your credit rating. A short sale is an agreement with your bank or mortgage lender and it agrees to the sale of the house for less than you owe on your mortgage. If you are considering a short sale keep the below in mind:

Make sure you are in constant communication with your lender.
While a short-sale may have short-term credit affects the damage is not as great as with foreclosure, which remains on your credit for seven years, or even worse bankruptcy.
Your short-sale may be contingent upon the state of your credit rating prior to the divorce so be prepared for pushback if you and your ex have less than stellar credit.

Avoid foreclosure and bankruptcy

Throwing in the towel with an underwater mortgage may seem like your only way out, but should be avoided at all costs for several reasons:

You may not be able to complete your divorce by having a judge sign off if you have substantial debt such as a mortgage you plan to walk away from.
The mortgage lender may come after both you and your ex for the remaining balance on the loan.
The affect to your credit is far more damaging than with a short-sale and your decision may haunt you for the next seven to ten years; leaving you with substantial financial strain.

Deciding to end a marriage is one of the most difficult decisions to make couple that with trying to sell a home and the emotional and financial strain may seem unbearable. Explore all of your options and don't make rash decisions just to get it over with. Do what makes the most sense for you, and your ex whether it be trying to stay until you can sell, opting for a short-sale, or filing bankruptcy if you have to.

Everyone's situation is different but keep in mind your decisions may affect you long after the ink has dried on your divorce papers.

Suzanne Cramer

Suzanne is a certified credit counselor working in our Ask the Expert forums as a coach and a Social Media Specialist for CareOne. Suzanne writes for our Divorce, Debt and Finances and A Straight Talk on Debt blogs. Follow Suzanne on Twitter where she shares the latest debt industry news and tips to keep your finances in check with her ADivorcedMom and AskCareOne accounts.

Getting a Handle on Your Finances after Divorce

CoachSuzanne — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 13:06:00 GMT

As you start your new life as a single you want to have a clean slate, emotionally and financially. Hopefully your divorce settlement left you with enough funds and assets to establish a home for yourself and your children, if they are still living with you.

Some of us may carry debt from the divorce, or debt that was created as a result of attorney fees, moving expenses, or purchases made to set up house.

Before you start digging a deep hole of debt you can't get out of consider tracking your expenses to keep you on the straight and narrow.

Many of us don't realize we are digging a hole with debt until we feel trapped. This is because we fail to take the first step to successful budgeting, tracking our expenses. By tracking every expense you can gain a clear picture of where your money goes and begin to categorize expenses, as well as, make any necessary cutbacks. Once you start, you will be amazed at how much money you didn't even realize you were spending.

Tracking daily expenses

The first step is to track every penny you spend and document it somewhere. This goes for the morning cup of coffee, afternoon vending machine stops, and last minute grocery or convenience store pick ups on the way home from work. You will need a tracking method that works for you; here are a few you might try:

a small notebook
a smart phone app or the notes setting
a small calendar or appointment book
personal finance software Quicken or Money
a spreadsheet

When tracking expenses there isn't a right or wrong way, but actually doing it religiously is essential. Don't forget to track all of your income as well. Be sure to include your paycheck, child support or alimony you may receive, as well as gifts, spare change, and freelance work. By tracking every penny that comes into or out of your wallet you will be able to see your true financial picture and build a money management strategy that works for you.

Make it a habit

Once you have a system in place for tracking, make it a habit. After a few weeks you will be so used to tracking to the penny, you won't feel as overwhelmed. The goal is to track all of your expenses for at least a month. Then you can use the results to devise a plan for your financial future.

It is important to keep doing what you were doing before you started tracking. The changes to your spending will come after you see what you are spending and where you can make adjustments.

Tips for successful tracking

We all know spending money is easy to do. If we don't have cash on hand many of us have a debit or credit card ready at the helm to make a purchase. The key to successful tracking again lies in making sure every penny counts.

Receipts are your friend. Proof of purchase will make it easier to track to the penny if you are planning to write everything down after you return home to your tracking method. It will be easy to miss the $.54 at the end of your lunch purchase or the $.75 you spent on gum at the convenience store. Make a place in your wallet or purse designated specifically for receipts. Make sure to empty it out daily and mark the expenses in your tracking method before you trash the receipts.
Don't wait for tomorrow. Failing to track expenses daily may result in a bulging wallet or purse and create the issue of missing expenses. So diligently stick to a daily routine of entering the receipts and disposing of them afterwards.
Expenses without a receipt. Automatic debits from your account, vending machines, and bills that are not paid monthly may easily be missed. Pay close attention to these transactions and develop a method for tracking them that works for you.

By tracking every penny you will gain an understanding of EXACTLY where your money goes, not where you THINK it goes. From this exercise you will be fully prepared to create a budget, devise a financial plan, and feel good about yourself and your financial future.

Suzanne Cramer

Maybe you don’t have to hire a divorce lawyer!

JennyNorton — Mon, 09 May 2011 13:39:00 GMT

So it's official - you're getting a divorce.

I've been there so I can attest that it's certainly one of the more stressful situations you will face in life.

A lot of the stress comes from selecting the right divorce lawyer and the finances associated with a potential lawyer.

However, if your situation is anything like mine, you may be able to self-represent your case. It's not as difficult as it sounds once you understand the right steps to take, and it can save you a ton of cash.

Let's explore the reasons why I felt safe self-representing my case, and perhaps you will be able to do the same.

My ex and I were still communicating in a healthy way. I know, I know, this sounds like a complete miracle, but I'm living proof that it can happen and it helped tremendously when navigating the divorce proceedings. There really were no hard feelings when we decided to split; therefore we were able to clearly communicate our logistical needs throughout the process. When it came time to divide the furniture etc, we sat at the kitchen table and made a list of everything we owned together and discussed who was getting what items. Don't get me wrong, I do miss my coffee table, but I got the silverware so it seemed like a fair compromise.
No children. We had a short marriage, only 2 years so kids did not enter the picture. This certainly made things easier when we separated, as there was no custody battle or discussion about child support.
We made about the same amount of money. When I got married, it was nice to combine incomes, especially since he was such a savvy spender. But when we split, because our salaries were comparable, there wasn't much of a "shock" in terms of disposable income. I knew I was able to stand on my own two feet; therefore I had no need to look into alimony. I do miss his ability to save and pay the credit card bill off each month, so I've had to learn to budget on my own, but that's a whole other story!
No past legal troubles or domestic abuse. Neither of us had any past legal troubles, nor was there any domestic abuse in the marriage. Furthermore, neither one of us threatened to abandon the other. Anytime these types of situations occur and you are leading towards divorce, you would certainly need to engage a lawyer. Thankfully, we kept it drama-free, but not everyone is that lucky.

If you believe that you can self-represent your case, you will need to visit your respective state government website to download the necessary forms and understand the steps you will need to take.

It did seen confusing at the beginning, but after a few phone calls to the government office, talking to others who had done it themselves, and some extensive reading online, it ended up being quite simple.

I truly believe that I was fortunate with my situation. By avoiding the divorce lawyer, I was able to keep my savings somewhat in-tact and move on financially. A divorce lawyer is simply not something that most of us plan for, so the cost could be quite a surprise for your budget.

Obviously, if you're situation is more complicated than mine, then it might make sense to hire a lawyer. Be sure to take the right steps in finding a lawyer that makes financial sense for you.

Staying Together for your Finances

Jenny Norton

Jennifer is an employee of CareOne Debt Relief Services in the Marketing department. She understands what it's like to go through a divorce and start all over on your own. She's learned how to create and manage her own budget the hard way. Jen has realized that the only person that is going to take care of you is you and shares thoughts and ideas for taking control over your finances and getting back on your feet.

To follow CareOne click here!

Divorce Your Debt

MykalMartin — Tue, 03 May 2011 13:15:00 GMT

The other day, I was talking to a friend who is currently going through a divorce. She was giddy with relief that her ex had reluctantly agreed to take over the enormous soul-sucking SUV payment.

She really loved the car, but knew that the payment, complicated by the fact that she would have to donate blood daily in order to afford the gas, was about as practical as a condemn machine in the men's room at the Vatican.

At the time, I hated to deflate her new found bliss, but... I had to ask...Why don't you just sell the beast? It was as if I had asked her to put down the dog!

The excuses started...

"My ex really likes the car and we owe too much, His credit is scarred and he can't get another vehicle that nice for the same payment, Once I get back up on my feet he's gonna let me have the car." wah wah wah!

When I explained to her that you can't divorce your debt, she started sweating like a weight watcher disciple in a cake factory.

"But... He agreed to pay the payment in the divorce settlement??? That means I'm not responsible anymore.... Right???"

WRONG! Here's the ugly truth.

A paper saying your ex is going to pay a bill is about as useful as an inflatable dartboard.

When you borrow money from a bank, credit card, or other institution, and you sign and agree to jointly and individually be liable for that debt, that's between you and the bank. You're responsible for the entire balance. 100%. The entire enchilada! You get the idea.

Just because you're ex's attorney from the firm of "Low, Ball, and Lynch" (there really is such a firm) wrote it up in the marital settlement, does not relieve you of your responsibility to pay for the debt.

I'd be willing to bet, that six or maybe eight months up the road... just when you think your starting to get back on your feet... you will get that call...

"Ahhh...Is (insert the best mispronunciation of your full legal name here) available"? Ummm, I'm required by law to tell you, this is an attempt to collect a debt... blah, blah, blah!

Congratulations! You now have some eight-dollar an hour, bottom-feeding cube-dweller whose sole purpose in life for ten hours per day, is to pursue the collection of payment for your ex's now worthless car, because he let his new girl friend drive it, and she didn't think it was worth the extra hundred bucks a month for insurance.

So here's my advice. Pay off ALL joint marital debt.

If you don't have the money, borrow it, steal it, get an extra job!

Some way, some how, pay off all the joint marital debt, before you divorce.

I can all but promise you, if you leave any debt out there, it will haunt you like a mother in law waiting for her first grandchild.

You WILL eventually get that call from the law firm of "Payne and Fears" (yes... another real law firm) and at some point... you will likely pay the bill.

You need to put the past in the past.

Divorce your debt and your ex!

Until next time...

mykal@thedivorcepill.com

Mykal Martin is the creator of "The Divorce Pill", a patented blend of ancient eastern, and cutting edge herbal technology, specifically blended to ease the physical and psychologically induced trauma of divorce. Through "The Divorce Pill Blog", and the TV podcast series "The Ex Files", Mykal shares his insights, advice, successes, and failures with people who are struggling through the chaos of divorce.

Follow Mykal on Twitter

The Other D-Word

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 10:45:00 GMT

Debt. As you face the many challenges after a divorce you may be left with this four letter word. Many of us are panic stricken and think we have to file for bankruptcy to get out of it. Debt may have been the cause of your divorce, a catalyst, or just the result of the financial strain divorce places on your budget.

If you have debt, there is hope and knowing that bankruptcy isn't necessarily your best option may help ease the burden. There are several ways you can tackle debt head on and knowing your options is half the battle.

Consider going it alone-with a plan in place...

You have some unsecured debt; credit cards, medical bills, maybe even a few collection accounts, that accumulated before, after or during your divorce but you are able to keep up with the payments. You may be able to manage your situation on your own.

You can use a Do It Yourself (DIY) method, such as Debt Payment Pro. This is a FREE tool that can help you pay down your debt. Enter simple information about your debts. Based on your debts Debt Payment Pro will calculate your possible savings. Then follow your personalized repayment schedule to pay off your debt more quickly and save on interest. It can become easy to send just the minimums and not reallocate payments to other creditors. This approach requires discipline and close attention to your payments.

Get some help-lower your interest rates and pay off debt in 3-5 years...

Maybe you are realizing your post-divorce debt is becoming overwhelming and you can't keep up with the minimums or have fallen behind. As a result your creditors have increased your interest rates and the likelihood of you continuing to manage your debt on your own has become too much for you to handle.

You may want to consider entering a Debt Management Plan. Debt Management Plans, which are often called DMPs, are plans that allow debt relief providers to work directly with creditors to negotiate new terms for the repayment of your debt such as, reduced interest rates, lower monthly payments, and waived fees such as late fees and over the limit fees. With a DMP you will make one payment to a debt relief provider who will then disperse the funds to your creditors each month. A debt management plan is a great option for you if you just need better terms and want to repay 100% of your debt.

Settle your debt for less than what you owe but, avoid bankruptcy...

If you find yourself scraping to just pay the essentials; rent, food, and utilities and have no money left to pay your creditors but want to avoid filing bankruptcy, you may want to consider a Debt Settlement Plan.

Debt Settlement is an attractive alternative to bankruptcy for you if you can afford to pay back at least a portion of your debt, but find a Debt Management Plan payment unaffordable.

With Debt Settlement, you make monthly deposits to a Settlement deposit account in an amount you can afford. You do not make monthly payments to your creditors, and your provider works to negotiate with your creditors for a less-than-full repayment.

When settlements are reached with creditors, settlement payments are paid from the Settlement deposit account. There are definitely pros and cons to using Debt Settlement to pay off your debt so it is important to understand what to expect.

Filing bankruptcy may be right for you...

While considered a last resort, Bankruptcy may end up being your only option. If your financial situation leaves you unable to pay back even a portion of your debt, you may want to explore whether filing bankruptcy makes sense for you.

Dealing with debt after a divorce is tough; stretched thin budgets, attorney fees, and going it alone financially speaking can take its toll. Taking the time to evaluate your options and determine what works best for you and your situation is important.

Once you have reviewed them, begin to research companies that can provide the help and on-going support you need to get out of debt and develop sound financial habits to avoid the four letter word, DEBT in the future.

Suzanne Cramer

Suzanne is a certified credit counselor working in our Ask the Expert forums as a coach and a Social Media Specialist for CareOne. Suzanne writes for our Divorce, Debt and Finances and A Straight Talk on Debt blogs. Follow Suzanne on Twitter where she shares the latest debt industry news and tips to keep your finances in check with her ADivorcedMom and AskCareOne accounts.

Should You Live With Your Ex?

CoachSuzanne — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 15:34:00 GMT

It was almost six years ago to the day that I asked my ex husband for a divorce. I think we both knew the time was coming, and I had done my homework, planning all the details of my departure. I had decided I couldn't afford to keep our marital home and knew he wouldn't want to.

So I consulted a realtor who listed our home two days after I said the words, "I think we should get a divorce." The next 2 weeks were a whirlwind and it all happened much more quickly than either of us anticipated. Our home sold two days after it was listed, for full asking price, to a cute young couple with a son the same age as our own. She fell in love with the house and had to have it. Painful as it was to watch someone else walk through my home and mentally place furniture, I was happy the sale was quick and we could move on with our lives.

This was back in 2005 the height of the housing boom and we were lucky! Today couples face the reality of foreclosure, short sales and houses that sit for a year or more. What do they do? Lose their shirt and sell well under value, if at all? Or, continue to live with their soon to be ex spouse, potentially with children in tow until things look up? Tough call and a decision I was glad not to have to make.

I posed this question to a relationship expert to better understand the emotional side of living with your ex and a Divorce Financial Strategist to get the skinny on the legal and financial ramifications.

Can you heal under one roof?

Michele Davidson of Modern Celebrant shares her thoughts on the emotional aspects of living with your ex...

"When you are in the thick of ending the marriage (or living together immediately afterwards due to financial pressure) the reasons for your parting may seem very black and white...cut and dry. It can be easy to see your former spouse as the villain. It takes time to view the ending of your marriage truthfully and with conciliation, because it was such an emotionally invested relationship. Endings like this are far from easy. Living together through the process is a mine field. Your ability to do the inner personal work required to fully embrace your future will be hindered while you are living under the same roof. And yet, if you wait until you are no longer living together, you will suffer emotionally much longer. It's important to begin healing NOW!"

Emotional Tips

Get out of the house!
Do not hold discussions of anger or blame with your former partner unless you are in the company of a therapist. Talk to trusted friends or a counselor instead.
Create new rituals for yourself in the small daily activities of your life. Things that are just for you. Head out with your journal to a cool new coffee shop each week... change to a new brand of coffee... move furniture. Life is lived in the small things not the big.
Write a list of 'soul food'. Activities that renew your spirit.
Commit to taking yourself on dates that cost max $10 or better yet, free! Though I don't have children, I once went to a kid's spelling bee. With a $1.50 cup of tea I spent a thrilling afternoon. Look in your local paper for ideas.
Connect with friends on your own not with your spouse. They will help you chart the rough waters of this journey.
Eat well. Challenge yourself to make your food from raw ingredients instead of buying prepared food.

Always remember that you are divinely multi-faceted. You know your own truth. Pay attention to your actions, words, thoughts and beliefs so that they align with your personal integrity. The pain and change of your divorce are the keys that will one day open the door to a more vibrant future. Be brave. Don't wait for the day when you are not living together to begin. Do it now. Take responsibility for creating your new reality.

Can you finalize your divorce under one roof?

Jeffrey A. Landers, CDFA^TM a Divorce Financial Strategist^TM and the founder of Bedrock Divorce Advisors, LLC says, "If you are divorced or legally separated, living together with your ex, or soon-to-be ex, is not a good idea on so many levels." He shares his thoughts on the legal aspects of living with your ex.

Legal Tips

Living together while legally separated may impact the ability in some jurisdictions to finalize a divorce.
If you are already divorced, living together will affect the ability for the paying spouse to deduct alimony payments from their taxes.

This is what the IRS says in their publication concerning Alimony: "Spouses cannot be members of the same household. Payments to your spouse while you are members of the same household are not alimony if you are legally separated under a decree of divorce or separate maintenance. A home you formerly shared is considered one household, even if you physically separate yourselves in the home. You are not treated as members of the same household if one of you is preparing to leave the household and does leave no later than 1 month after the date of the payment."

As with many issues that arise with divorce, deciding to live with your ex has emotional, legal and financial ramifications. Having to make the choice will certainly not be easy, but taking the time to weigh the pros and cons, as well as, how the decision will affect your future will empower you to do what's right for you.

Have you been in a situation where you felt forced to live with your ex for financial reasons? I would love to hear your story!

Suzanne Cramer

My Son's Father, My Ex... Yes, I Pray For Him

AliciaHarper — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 15:30:00 GMT

I still pray for my son's father ever so often. Here's why...

I've read so many articles and statistics about how parental discord and separation affects a child. To me, the news was not good.

One article that I read suggested there was strong evidence that divorce and parental conflict can be associated with children's depression, withdrawal, poor social competence, health problems, and poor academic performance, amongst other things.

I could go on and go, but really, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer.

My son is 3-years-old...

Over a year ago, I made the decision to leave his father. Seven months ago, I had the courage to actually do it. And let's just say that the discord and conflict between his father and I between the time I decided to leave and the time that I actually left was a little more than I'd like to admit.

I was unhappy. His father seemed to be unhappy. And our son certainly was unhappy. It was a stressful time for all of us indeed.

Because of my decision - and believe me, I know it was a good one - I cannot give my son both parents living under one roof. It's just not gonna happen. But instead, I can try to give him equal access to both of his parents. I feel that he deserves that much.

But this co-parenting thing?

This thing, is not easy. Not in the least. I am not even close to being the perfect co-parent. It has been an uphill battle, and one that knocks me down quite frequently.

But I keep striving. And I keep pushing. And when I feel as though I've screwed something up or I'm not cut out to be a co-parent, I try to strive and push even more. Because I feel as though our son deserves that much.

Our son, Aiden, is now fully potty trained. Let's take a break to do a happy dance, shall we? BREAK!

But as happy and as celebratory as this milestone was, his father missed it. He did not celebrate with us because he did not contact Aiden the day/week/couple-of-weeks that Aiden hit the milestone. And, to be honest, it kinda sucked. For him. And for Aiden.

For Aiden's 3^rd birthday party and for Aiden's 1^st Preschool Program, he was a no-show. And for Thanksgiving... and Christmas... and New Years Day. All important Holidays. All important milestones. Yet, he missed it.

I try to leave the space open for him in Aiden's life. I try to encourage him to be more involved without sounding like I'm scolding or reprimanding him. I try, I try, I try... But like I said, it's an uphill battle.

Put our differences aside...

So I pray. I pray that he can put our differences aside and focus solely on the beautiful and brilliant boy who's growing up oh-so-fast. I pray that he will not only want to take part in Aiden's life, but will actually make the steps to take part in Aiden's life. I pray that together, he and Aiden can create happy memories - memories in which Aiden will cherish and hold dear for years to come. I pray that together, he and I can raise a competent, socially-responsible young man.

Because it sucks for him to not be able to witness Aiden growing up. He's missing out on a beautiful thing. But Aiden is missing out as well. Aiden does not have any pictures or memories of those moments and milestones with his dad. And that saddens me. So I pray. And I'm hopeful. That he will get to know Aiden. All of Aiden. Not just during a brief phone call a few nights of the week.

But maybe I'm too naïve at this point. Maybe this is all just wishful thinking. Maybe I need to accept the things that I cannot change, and know that all I can do is leave the space open for Aiden's father, and know that it is up to him to want to occupy that space.

Or maybe... all I can do is be the best single mother that I can be. And keep praying.

Alicia is a NYC single mother, blogger, and full-time graduate student studying Psychological Counseling at Columbia University. Her life is filled with all things pink, except for the one touch of blue -- her rambunctious 3-year-old son. Together they make a great pair, and Alicia blogs about her trials and triumphs of being a young, single mom at Mommy Delicious, where she is the Founder and Editor. You can join the Mommy Delicious community on Facebook or follow her on Twitter.

Your Questions about Spousal Support-Answered...

CoachSuzanne — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 15:00:00 GMT

Spousal support, a.k.a. alimony is defined by divorce.com as, "Money that is traditionally paid to the lower income spouse to help out with their cost of living, also referred to as spousal support, but is not to be confused with child support."

With the rise of "celebrity" divorces and media coverage there are many misconceptions about spousal support. Many of us believe the cheating husband who makes six figures will most certainly have to pay spousal support to his ex.

The reality is many of the cases you see, and associate with are those that are drug through court with thousands of dollars being paid to the respective parties attorneys. Most of us who file for divorce, file a "no fault divorce" involving little attorney input.

While spousal support is sometimes viewed as punishment for the spouse paying support, it is important to remember it is to help the other maintain their standard of living.

Divorce can often result in financial ruin for one or both spouses.

The proper payment of spousal support helps the receiving spouse pay household bills, credit card debt and provides for daily needs such as food. As with any type of income or expense spousal support should be added to your monthly budget.

If you are going through a divorce you may have many questions about spousal support; how it works, who pays etc.

To help you understand the basics here are the answers to a few frequently asked questions.

Q: What is the purpose of spousal support?

A: The purpose of spousal support is to help the spouse receiving the support maintain their current lifestyle or get back on their feet both during divorce and after the divorce is final.

Q: How much will I receive/have to pay?

A: A judge typically decides on the amount and rules may vary from state to state. It is important to understand many factors are used to decide upon the amount such as; ability to earn a living, age, health, length of the marriage and conduct.

Q: Does everyone receive spousal support as a result of divorce?

A: Actually the majority of divorces do not result in spousal support agreements. Statistics show only ten to fifteen percent of US divorces result in spousal support orders. These orders are typically granted to individuals with significant assets and are almost always a result of a litigated divorce.

Q: Is the husband the only one who pays spousal support?

A: In the US all men and women are treated equally, so it may be just as necessary for the husband to receive spousal support as it may be for the wife. Determining who will pay spousal support is accomplished by using a formula that takes into account how much each spouse makes in annual salary and what, if any, assets either party has to help them maintain their lifestyle while the divorce is in process and after it is final. Remember the goal of spousal support is to help the receiver of support maintain their lifestyle until they can get back on their feet.

Q: What is the difference between spousal support and child support?

A: Most easily explained: child support is for the child, spousal support is for the spouse. Child support is most always awarded first as spousal support is a lesser priority in the eyes of the court.

Q: It is my spouse's fault we are getting divorced; they have to pay right?

A: Once upon a time the "cheating" spouse had to pay spousal support, period. Now with most states utilizing "No Fault divorces" this is no longer customary.

Q: Do I Have to Pay Taxes on Spousal Support?

A: If you are receiving spousal support, it is considered income and you must pay taxes on it. If you are paying spousal support, you can take what you have paid as a deduction. You should consult a tax professional to ensure both of the above are filed correctly.

Knowing your rights when it comes to spousal support can be the first step to getting a handle on your finances during or after a divorce. I suggest consulting your divorce attorney to see where you stand, no matter which side you are on.

Have you paid or received spousal support? Please share your experiences with us in the comments!

Divorce & Debt - Divorced and re-entering the workforce???

5 Smart Financial Moves to Make after Divorce

Suzanne Cramer

Suzanne is a certified credit counselor working in our Ask the Expert forums as a coach and a Social Media Specialist for CareOne. Suzanne writes for our Divorce, Debt and Finances and A Straight Talk on Debt blogs. Follow Suzanne on Twitter where she shares the latest debt industry news and tips to keep your finances in check with her ADivorcedMom and AskCareOne accounts.

To follow us click here

Staying Together for your Finances

CoachSuzanne — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 15:10:00 GMT

Desperate times call for desperate measures--like living with your ex because you can't afford not to. Today's economy has taken its toll on the best of us, leaving some couples unable to physically separate for financial reasons. So how do you make it work?

If you and your ex were not in a position to separate could you live under the same roof? Take a vacation with them? Share the burden of debt? It is easier said then done but many couples are being forced to stay together, at least through the divorce process in order survive, financially speaking. How does this affect your kids, your sanity, and your ability to keep the peace?

Focusing on where you both stand, and putting the kid's needs first are huge wins for couples faced with this difficult decision. If you can keep the peace and set ground rules, you may want to try staying together until both of you can get back on your feet.

I questioned some divorce experts to get their thoughts. Here's what they had to say!

Good idea in theory... but what is the reality?

"It's the rare couple that can successfully navigate peacefully living in the same house once they've decided to divorce. As the relationship grows apart and the divorce discussions get underway, tension increases and tempers flare. Too often the cost savings is a very high price to pay for the permanent damage living together does to the relationship. In my 22 years of experience, it's not unusual for this situation to end with a call to the police; in fact, it just happened last week to a couple in our mediation practice who were convinced they'd do just fine."

Diane Mercer Making Divorce Work

How do the kids feel about their parents dating and still living together through a divorce?

"Yes - I am hearing about more and more people staying together because of finances. My son has a good friend whose parents have not gotten divorced for financial reasons. They have two teenage kids - one in college the other a junior in HS. They live in a $700,000 home. He works and has a great job. She lost her job and has not been able to find another one.

He has lived in the basement apartment for almost 3 years and she has the master bedroom & tv room. They share the kitchen but do not share meals, etc. She has had a boyfriend for almost 2 years and from what I understand, he dates but is gun-shy. They allow each other to bring their dates over to the house, but not to spend-the-night. (I am horrified by the thought of how their kids are handling the thought of their parents dating while still married, but they seem to communicate with the kids very clearly.)

They actually still care about each other as friends but simply can not afford to get divorced right now. She has health issues and needs to stay on his insurance and with the market being as bad as it is, they will never be able to sell their home and get what they need for it. Neither of them could stay in the house alone and be responsible for payments/utilities/insurance, etc. I understand the staying together due to financial reasons, but the dating part still freaks me out.

I have another acquaintance that remained married so that she would be entitled to her inheritance. Her grandfather said he would cut her out of his will should she get divorced before he died. I am totally disgusted by this situation too. To me, this was just greed.

In this economy though, I realize that there are situations that people are dealing with that are new and unusual. I guess in the end, the most important part is to figure out what works best for each situation and take into consideration how it could affect the kids too."

Dana McIntyre Partner Diary

Who wins you or the attorney's?

"Certainly, in the current economy, there are valid reasons to "stay together", i.e. finances, credit ratings, housing, etc. We have found that the divorce rate in the U.S. is actually declining due to the exact circumstances you mention. In fact, we have also seen divorces become LESS contentious in order to "get through the system" quicker and less expensive.... then the couples make arrangements to stay together!

I have had divorce attorneys tell me that the stated goal of the court system is to get as much money as they can from the divorcing couple, play on their emotions, and, in the end, "make sure BOTH parties walk
away unhappy"! To that end...it works!

Having said that, however, there are so very many reasons for divorce...abuse, (ironically) finances, cheating spouses, and on and on. The role of the divorcing parents in the children's lives becomes, in my
mind, the overriding issue. "The well-being of the children" is always quoted by the courts, and virtually always neglected by those same courts!

Friends, family, business associates are so often made to take sides, and often choose to drop BOTH parties that they often also choose to stay together and make private arrangements."

Michael Welsh, Founder and President of DivorceNetwork

Living together may not be the answer but consider sharing the burden.

"We have certainly made adjustments but didn't stay together for the finances. We considered moving back into together when my ex lost his job two years ago, but we didn't. Instead we rethought the way that he is paying me child support. For example, he has been taking the trash to the dump and shoveling our snow so that I no longer have to pay someone to do that. This is the benefit of an amicable divorce."

Molly Monet Postcards from a Peaceful Divorce

Maybe money issues brought you to divorce-do you really want those same issues keeping you together?

"It's a reality that many couples stay together because it's easier or smarter from a financial perspective, but at BounceBack we believe that this should be done only as a last resort and alternative options should be evaluated before deciding to stay together for the wrong reasons. If you know you should sever ties, then you should. Your happiness, your spouse's happiness, and your children's happiness are ultimately more important in the long run. It may be difficult in the short term, but there is nothing that should take priority over allowing yourself to find happiness, whether alone or in a new relationship.

Many marriages and relationships end over troubles involving managing finances, fighting over money issues, or simply struggling over having enough money, so it makes sense that many couples will stay together, even unhappily so, if it means the financial situation is easier. Really, if you are not happy, nothing else matters and that unhappiness will eventually spread into all aspects of your life, including the finances. Many people make the decision to stay together assuming that their financial issues can't be fixed. Why not at least meet with a financial counselor, discuss your situation, and understand what options are out there before deciding to stay together. There are options and alternatives, and until you look into every option, you should not assume you have to stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship for financial reasons.

Our BounceBack relationship experts and therapists stand behind the theory that couples shouldn't BEGIN a relationship or marriage because of finances (i.e. marrying someone for money), and we also believe the inverse of that - couples shouldn't continue something for financial reasons if the foundation of the relationship is gone. And especially with children - we also say that in many cases, parents who stay together "for the kids' sake" aren't always making the best decision. It may, in fact, create an awkward, unloving environment which may be less healthy for the children than two happily remarried parents who can coexist and continue to provide them with loving, albeit separate, environments."

Courtney Stovall BounceBack.com

For me "staying together" was not an option in my last marriage and I took a huge financial hit; but I am safe and happy two things money can't buy. How do you feel about staying together? Please share in the comments we would love to hear it!

Divorced in 2010-How Will You File Your Taxes?

Changing Your Name after Divorce

Suzanne Cramer

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Divorced this Year-How Will You File Your Taxes?

CoachSuzanne — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 15:01:00 GMT

April15^th is closer than you think and soon it will be time to prepare your taxes.

If you separated from your spouse, or filed for or finalized your divorce there are a few things you need to be aware of when it comes time to file your taxes.

Missing or ignoring these details could cost you, so arm yourself with information to keep the IRS on your good side.

A good place to start is reviewing prior returns. It is important to save tax returns, but if you were not the spouse who "handled" financial arrangements, such as taxes, you may be clueless as to their whereabouts or how to obtain them.

The good news is that the IRS has records and if your spouse is being difficult you can ask the IRS for them.

The process is fairly simple; all you need to do is contact the IRS and acquire Form 4506. By filling out and returning this form, the IRS can provide you with signed copies of prior returns.

So how will you file? Divorcing your spouse may mean divorcing your filing status.

You have a few options when it comes to filing your taxes and divorce.

Married filing jointly-To be eligible, you and your spouse must be legally married (even if you are living apart) as of the last day of the tax year.
Married filing separately-To be eligible you must still be legally married as of the last day of the tax year.
Single-To be eligible you must be legally unmarried or legally separated as of the last day of the tax year and not eligible for "Head of Household" status.
Head of Household-To be eligible you must be a single person who provided more than half of the household maintenance costs and whose household is the principal residence (defined as being more than one half of a year) of at least one dependent. If you are married but have lived physically apart since or prior to July I of the tax year, you will need to use "Married filing separately" status.

Advantages of filing separately

Separate, individual returns may be amended to form a joint return anytime within three years. A joint return may not be changed into two separate individual returns, so this is a big decision!
If you file separately you can't be held accountable if your spouse decided to "fudge" their tax return. Filing jointly holds you accountable for any and all back taxes, interest, and/or penalties involved with that joint return.

Advantages of Filing Jointly

Sometimes filing jointly will be the better "financial" choice as there are several credits that can be used. These include child and dependent care credits as well as the earned income credit.
By filing jointly you may also gain eligibility for certain deductions, such as the dependency exemption for a non-working spouse or the deduction for a spouse's contributions to an Individual Retirement Account (IRA).

The best thing you can do for yourself is to consult your tax professional about your options and what works best for you.

Always, always, always get the details of your divorce documented in writing. You definitely do not want to mess with the IRS, so be prepared to show proof of all arrangements.

The IRS provides several resources accessible on their site to help you prepare for filing taxes before, during, and after a divorce. If you still have questions, be sure to check them out!

Publication 504, Divorced or Separated Individuals

Publication 501, Exemptions, Standard Deductions, and Filing Information

Suzanne Cramer

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What I Wish I Would Have Known Before Divorce...

CoachSuzanne — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 13:17:00 GMT

Could have, should have, and would have....I hate having to say those words. Could I have handled that situation differently? Why didn't I think of that? Ahhh the regrets....

When it comes to getting a divorce many of us have regrets not necessarily about the divorce but, the financial decisions we make in anger or haste to just get it all over with.

I have consulted some "divorce experts" to weigh in on this important topic and share their advice and experiences.

Take a moment to learn from our mistakes and regrets so you don't make them yourself as you navigate through your divorce.

Budget for replacement items

In my divorce experience, (for those of you who don't know I am currently going through divorce number 2) financial decisions are best made early on, and with a clear head. No I didn't care about the furniture and household items I left at the time of my departure from our marital home, but boy is it expensive to replace those "everyday items" you didn't realize you needed till you go for them one day and they aren't there.

For example the can opener; can't open cans without them and when your child wants Campbell's SpongeBob Soup, right now because they are hungry, well you can only imagine the horror of not having a can opener. Or, today as the snow falls, I realize I have no shovel to clear a path to the car. Trivial items...but necessary to get through the day, and like I said the "little" things add up!

So my advice, "Make a mental or physical list of all those everyday items, take what you can get and make sure you budget for those "replacement" items."

Prepare a statement of Net Worth

Knowing what you have and actually noting it can go a long way in helping you make financial decisions that can affect the rest of your life.

"Your attorney or mediator will ask you to prepare a statement of net worth. This is typically a painful and difficult chore, but absolutely essential. Most of us spend beyond our means. Or we really don't know what's been going on financially in the marriage. Assessing your financial assets and liabilities on paper is the first step toward making responsible decisions during the emotionally fraught divorce process."

Dr. Leah Klungness @Singlemommyhood

Don't Follow Dad's Leadership

Charging up your credit cards for the wedding / honeymoon can only lead to financial troubles and possible marital stress; spend what you can afford!

"On October 8, 2004 I married the woman of my dreams. She was dressed in white, puffy sleeves, long train and she was smoking hot! We flew to Disney for our honeymoon, spent a fortune and returned home thousands of dollars in debt! I was a financial idiot! I charged my honeymoon on my credit card (thinking I deserved it), I charged a portion of the wedding and even turned down a $10,000.00 offer to go somewhere intimate and have a small wedding."

Chris Spradlin EpicParentTV

Here is Chris's financial advice:

Don't follow dad's financial leadership (in the early days)
Live below your means
Financial margin doesn't mean there is more for you to spend
Connect w/ a financial mentor at a young age, give them permission to hold you accountable
And to steal from Dave Ramsey, "Live like nobody else today, so that you can live like nobody else later"

Establish yourself-Financially Speaking

Not establishing your own credit can hurt you and your spouse upon attempting to purchase a home or apply for loans as a couple, but in the event of a divorce or separation a lack of established credit can be a major issue when it comes to your finances.

"I never realized just how imperative it was to have some of the bills and things that we own in just my name until after my ex and I had broken up. It was a huge headache trying to re-establish myself financially, especially with the bills that were in my ex's name. In fact, my son and I were affected by things that we tend to take for granted like television. After the breakup, we went an entire month without watching television because I had to go through the trouble of having the cable turned over in my name. However, I was lucky that the apartment was paid for with my own money and in my name because during and after our breakup, my ex had no legal rights to it, lest I would have been homeless."

Alicia Harper MommyDelicious

What If...

Thinking about the "what if". What if you can't sell the marital home, what if your stock plummets or your 401K takes a beating? Mandy Walker of Since My Divorce shares her experience.

"When we separated I stayed in the marital home with the kids while we tried to sell it. Our financial agreement basically took the cost of the mortgage and his rental and split that 50-50 but my expenses to maintain that home were much higher. It was a big house. Then I bought another house - a smaller house that needed some repair work before our marital home had sold. I moved into that house and we did eventually rent out the marital home and sold it over two years after our divorce was final. Our agreement assumed that the home would be sold within nine months and didn't cover any of the what ifs.

By way of background, it may have been smarter for me to wait to buy but I wanted to buy my house because it was a great fit for us - good size, perfect location, my price range and because then the children wouldn't be living with the uncertainty of where they would be living. It really was a good move for us - the children were a lot more settled and it was a relief not to have to deal with keeping our house in show-ready condition. But at that point, my ex would not move back into the marital home and I didn't push to renegotiate the financial split - he said it was my choice to move.

The other area was with respect to our retirement benefits - he has a defined benefits pension and I had a 401(k) which we both kept - they were similar in value at the time and I didn't want the additional expense of legal agreements to split them. And I also just wanted to be done with the negotiations. Given what happened to the stock market which was subsequent to our divorce, my 401(k) lost a substantial amount. I think it may have been better to split both of the accounts because I would have had greater protection from the downside risk. Fortunately I'm far enough away from retirement that I'm confident my 401(k) will recover and with all the talk about the insolvency of state pensions, his benefit may end up being changed. This was the final negotiation point in our settlement and as I said, by then I just wanted to be done. So the other lesson, is don't allow yourself to get worn down and settle for a division because you want to be done. Take your time and think it through. Think through everything that could go wrong and what the impact will be on you.

A friend of mine had agreed to give her ex a percentage of her 401(k) and when the agreement was drawn up it was expressed as a dollar amount. When it came time to split the account, the value had fallen and she was still locked into giving him the fixed dollar amount."

Mandy Walker Since My Divorce

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Consider your options when it comes to divorce

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Suzanne Cramer

Suzanne is a certified credit counselor working in our Ask the Expert forums as a coach and a Social Media Specialist for CareOne. Suzanne writes for our Divorce, Debt and Finances and A Straight Talk on Debt blogs. As a soon to be divorced single mom, Suzanne also writes for the Divorce, Debt, and Finances blog. Ask her questions, share your story or just follow Suzanne on her journey as she navigates dealing with divorce, debt, and finances. Suzanne is also very active on Twitter and manages two CareOne accounts: ADivorcedMom and Ask CareOne where she shares the latest debt industry news and tips to keep your finances in check.

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