Single and Settling In

Single life has its own unique challenges, personally and financially. Hear how these bloggers are making the single life work for them.

My Name is Katie & I am in Debt

  • Comments 4

This catch phrase is not just for AA members anymore.  I am single and in the dating scene meeting some great, and not so great people.  At what point do I let others know about my financial situation?  I am almost 35 years old, have a career, own my own home and oh yeah, I have debt.

I think it is important for someone that I am serious about, to know my status financially and what they can expect.  When I put it out there, I get mixed responses. I mentioned my debt to a guy that I had been seeing for a couple of months fairly exclusively, his response?  "I was smart when it came to my finances, I lived with my parents until I was 30 saving all my money I never had to pay bills or household expenses.  I moved out when I had enough money to buy what I needed in cash - Why didn't you just live with your parents?"  Not much more to that date and he asked me to pay for dinner that night.

Another guy actually got mad at me for having debt because I was potentially going to burden him with it. He thought I was not being fair to him and very selfish.  Umm, OK.

Finally, there was the one that wanted to take care of everything.  Pay my bills, take care of my debt, and pay for me.  Can you say check please?

It's hard to open up to people and then listen to their criticisms, "suggestions" on how to handle my life or even their judgements of me based on the little they know about me.  Bottom line, my debt is my debt.  It was created by me with no other reason except I was foolish and unrealistic in my decision making.  That's it.  At 35 I have created my life and am proud of that.  When someone comes along to share in that life with me I don't expect them or anyone else to "take on" my debt, but I also don't want to surprise anyone with where I am at financially. I have done that before and that doesn't work out well either.

So, I guess when you do put it out there, you will get plenty of reactions and loads of advice.  I am not looking for a hand out or pity.  I am looking to be recognized as a strong, independent woman who got herself into a bit of trouble financially and is responsible enough to get herself out of it and pay for her own meals! 

  • This was a blog well told, and guess what same here. The reactions, advice, and judgement has happened to me also. At one time it really made me feel inadequate, as if I made the most horrible choices in my life. Currently, I am 28 and a single mother of two kids. So, continue to hold your head high, and press on. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Be blessed.

  • It is amazing - I once was so embarrassed to tell people about my debt, now becasue I am actually doing something about it - I want to shout out how much I have paid off!  If we just keep encouraging each other and use our resources, we will be just fine!

  • I am 39yrs old and I have debt.  I enjoyed reading your blog.  I don't think you need to expose your debt to a guy your just "dating".  Quite frankly that is your own personal business and nobody's business.  However if you do date and it turns into a relationship then you should tell them about it.  If you're paying your debt and aren't looking for any help from the guy, it should be a non issue for him.  If he has a problem with it, then to me he's not worth wasting your time on because he obviously doesn't care enough about you and isn't understanding in the fact that people make mistakes and don't always make the best decisions.  If you're paying your debt and have a plan to get it paid off, that should show him that you've learned and are responsible in taking care of it.  I didn't tell my boyfriend whom I now live with about my debt until I was with him for a year.  He knows I'm with Care one and doing the right thing by getting it paid off.  He loves me enough to understand....It sounds to me that you are a very strong, independent woman and are doing exactly what you need to do to pay your debt.  The guy that thought you were burdening him with your debt and calling you selfish sounds to me like he was the selfish one and doesn't have the means to care about anyone but himself and you're lucky you didn't end up with him... Hope this helps :-)

  • Sounds like you and I have quite a bit in common!  Thank you for your insight - looks like we both are on the right track and taking care of our debt and ourselves!

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